As much as I have begun to hate social media, I am growing more appreciative of the red flags that are thrown up on it on a daily basis. You can really tell a lot about a person based on what they find important and I have been spared a great deal of time sprinting from people based on nothing more than their posts and photos.
As I have grown older and matured, I am far more interested in what people have going for them and what they have to offer from the inside. I value transparency and friendships and the more honest people are, the more drawn to them I am. Call me crazy.
Because of my heightened awareness to others narcissism, I hesitated to even write this but then I thought screw it.
Some things in life are worth bragging about…
Tomorrow Matt and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary and in today's day and age, I consider that to be a major accomplishment. When you add to that the mountain of trials we have waded through to arrive at 20 years, I can't help but feel we should go platinum. If you think I'm being prideful….well you would be right.
I was 16 years old and the life of the party (if only in my own mind). If there was a social gathering, I would die before I missed it. It was a typical weekend get together in the town I love to call home. Chagrin Falls can't be described, it must be experienced. It was (and still is) a small town and everyone knows everyone. Upperclassmen and underclassmen were one in the same and this particular weekend, we found ourselves at the home of a guy one grade above us. The party had been growing in size and I ventured downstairs to escape the crowded kitchen. I walked the stairs to the basement careful not to spill my drink when I spotted someone I didn't recognize. I made small talk with the guy I knew and glanced at his quiet friend leaning up against the wall. I then walked outside for some fresh air and that quiet friend I didn't recognize followed me out.
I am so glad that he did.
I have had many defining moments in my life but never in a million years, especially at the reckless age of 16, would I have thought my basement detour would have led me to my husband. He was an hour from home and happened to be spending the evening with a guy he hasn't spoken to since. The fact he was where he was, with who he was, was for lack of a better word, ODD. I, however, like to think of it as divine intervention.
I have asked Matt before what drew him to me in a house full of that many people. What gave him the confidence to follow me outside and sit down next to me like he had known me his whole life? He told me that I was loud and funny and had the attention of everyone around me but he was challenged to shut me up and get my attention. I have to laugh seeing as he's been doing that ever since.
We talked for well over an hour and the night ended with me writing my phone number down his entire arm with a sharpie and the phone was ringing as I walked in the door. I tease him to this day that he could have at least waited a day or two to call.
I am so glad that he didn't.
The next several days were a blur and I think there was a 3 day period where we didn't sleep. We talked all night long and even snuck out to meet one another for breakfast at 4:30 am one morning. Still unsure of how I felt, I continued to meet him for lunch, dinner, and day dates. I was drawn to him as a person and connected to him on every level but there didn't seem to be much chemistry. I was losing interest.
He was picking me up from my sisters house one afternoon and I could hear his truck from a mile away - SHOCKER. I ran downstairs to meet him in front of her apartment complex. We spent the afternoon together and the day concluded with him dropping me off
in the same spot he had picked me up. I started to get out of the car when he leaned over and pulled my door shut. Right then and there, he planted a kiss on me that changed everything.
He was in a blue rugby, tan shorts, and tennis shoes that had yellow laces. He drove a Jeep Cherokee that had a tennis ball over the shifter. A Christopher Cross song was playing on the radio as we held up traffic. I can't remember what I had for breakfast this morning but I remember everything about that day as though it just happened. Funny how that works, huh?
He was quickly introduced to my friends and family though he still lived far away. He had graduated while I still had a year of high school to finish. We spent every weekend together but the weekdays drug on. He drove the hour to have dinner with me every Wednesday. I lived and breathed for Wednesday's. Coincidentally our anniversary falls on a Wednesday this year and we will be having dinner together just like old times.
By the time my graduation cap had hit the ground, we were moving to Las Vegas where we knew no one but Matt's aunt and uncle. Matt took a bus and a duffle bag and I took a car filled with everything I owned. We rented an apartment together and I began second guessing. I panicked and moved back to Ohio. Shortly after the realization I couldn't stand to be away from him, I moved back to Vegas and we were married just a few months later. We were going to live happily ever after. It was an idiotic plan and it shouldn't have worked.
I am so glad that it did.
Over the years, I have pondered the why's and how's of my marriage. I don't want to over analyze or jinx the million dollar question with my over active mind - HOW have we survived 20 years of marriage? Are we extremely committed or do we both just have extremely high pain tolerances? Truth is, I don't know the answer to that question which is why I choose to celebrate that it just is.
Marriage is hard work. Down right grueling at times… If you are lucky enough to stay in love with the same person for an extended period of time, that's not even enough. Add kids to the mix, a pet or two, ailing parents, business and finances, you don't have a marriage on your hands, you've got a game of Wipeout.
We seem to wake up these days dodging, ducking, and jumping from one situation to the next. Marriage is hard but life is so much harder. My advice to those who have a few years until they arrive at this stage of life would be to PREPARE. It gets better in many ways but so much harder. If your marriage isn't rock solid now, make it your mission to unify with your spouse now so you are ready when it hits you. I hate to be the one to break it to you but you're about to get your ass kicked.
I consider myself to be blunt, honest, and forthright. I try to soften those harsh characteristics with my humor which fortunately those in my circle seem to understand. If they didn't "get" me, I'm certain I would have been arrested by now. I've joked enough times about killing my husband and kids, that Nancy Grace would have a field day with me should someone in my family go missing.
I hesitate to say this out loud (for fear of the good Lord accepting this as a challenge) but I believe that what hasn't killed us, has indeed made us stronger. We have always had a fun marriage but the past ten years has brought us to our knees. The upside to having a good marriage is that when you are brought to your knees, you are brought down together. We love our kids deeply and dislike them as deeply at other times…but we do that together. We learned how to balance a checkbook together, how to parent together, and how to grieve together. We entered and exited a religion together. We seem to do just about everything together and at other times, we just balance each other out. While we are usually in tune with one another, when we were are out of sync, we've learned to step aside while the other works their stuff out. Space and patience have been extremely important to us and we've needed both of those things more than we could ever have imagined.
Between the two of us, we have buried all of our parents. We came close to burying a child and while we were fortunate enough to keep him have dealt with issues as a result of of his accident on an almost daily basis. I suffered a brain hemorrhage that left us fearing the worst for several weeks and still scares us from time to time. We have accrued enough medical bills to pay for a trip around the world…twice. Most recently we watched our family car go up in flames and our family pet die accidentally at the hands of our sweet daughter. Oh yes, it's never a dull moment at the Brady's. I mean ever.
And yet, I am so grateful.
I am grateful that through all of the chaos, I have learned how strong I can be and seen my husband evolve into this amazing man who holds the pieces together when I just can't. He has turned the other cheek in business deals where people deserved to have their jaw dislocated. He saved the life of one of my kids and didn't leave his side for days in ICU. He held me together when I lost my parents and allowed me to do the same for him just a few years later when he lost his dad. He agreed to move across the country to Timbuk 2 when I presented that as a good idea. He trusted me when I was completely and utterly out of my mind and threw a dart that landed on Georgia.
He makes me laugh and has my back (more than I have his I'm afraid). If I like you, so does he. If you cross me, you're dead to him. I don't even have to tell him why. He treats my family and friends like they are his own and won't tolerate my children being anything but respectful to me. My friends come over to talk to him because he's fun and insightful and genuinely wants to know what people are going through. It's always been that way.
Don't get me wrong. He can be an ass (a giant one) but that's part of the appeal. If you are lucky enough to be loved by him, he will do anything for you. His expectations are almost impossible to meet but he will exceed yours if you can meet him even half way. He is thoughtful and caring and I can say 20 years later that he loves me…and I know it. How many people can say that? I have never questioned whether or not I am loved and that in and of itself is my greatest blessing.
He can go for a 4 hour motorcycle ride than come home and iron all of our clothes cause they aren't up to par. He'll go from holding a wrench to fluffing the pillows on the couch in a split second. He is the weirdest and greatest person I know. He's like a jacked up version of Jesse James and Jeff Lewis…and I love it.
He is affectionate and chivalrous and can't so much as run to the store without picking something up that he thought I'd like. I have to tell him to shut up some nights so I can sleep because I never get bored of talking to him. I know, RIGHT? How lucky am I?
Please don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't love your new boobs or your bikini ready body. They're great. I mean really, REALLY, great. I appreciate you sharing them with me everyday but I just wanted to steal the spotlight for a minute (and if you're wondering if this is you, it's more of a collection of people so don't take it too personally but if you THINK it could be you then that in and of itself might deserve some self observation).
Ok. Back to me.
Tomorrow marks 20 years that I have been married to the same person. Together we created 3 of the coolest kids you could ever imagine. We have been to heaven, to hell (more than once) and then back. Furthermore, we have managed to laugh a good part of the way. We fight hard, but we love harder. We are fiercely loyal to our friends and to each other and are a force to be reckoned with. We have enough history to write a book. We are more of a couple than I could have ever imagined. I am lucky. I am smitten. And yes, after 20 years, I am totally bragging.
I would do it all again. Every single bit of it…..
